FUCK-THE-HATERS.

13th April 2012

krissygoesrawwr:

Meet James. My Six year old little brother.
He’s perfect right ? cute little smile and had the most perfect personality not a day would go buy when this kid could not make me smile.
In early febuary 2011 is when everything went from my perfect little world to then soon crumberling down around me. My little six year old brother began the fight of his life as he began his fight when he was diagnosed with liver cancer.
No one had assumed that something like this could ever happen to someone so little. It all began when james was in week 2 of his school year and was pushed over in the play ground and came home complaining of stomach pains. After the pain would not go away my step mum took him to the doctors surgery.The doctors couldn’t work out what the pain was from, so they were transferred from our home town to the Womens and Children’s Hospital in Adelaide. James was kept in overnight and had an ultrasoud the next morning which showed a shadow on his liver. After still not nowing what this shadow might be it was decided that james would have a CT scan latter that afternoon. After this CT scan it was then that my healthy little brother’s life went from happy and health to uncertain and falling apart.
As if he had not been through enough already being scared at the hospital with all these machines and bright flashin lights all surrounding him. James needed to have a liver biopsy to confirm exactly what type of cancer he had and if it needed treatment or not. James had what was called hepatoblastoma (liver cancer) and that it was quite already far along.The doctors were not sure how to proceed with his treatment as there are not that many children in the world of this age with hepatoblastoma. Most children diagnosed are between birth and 18 months old.
After many talks with possibly everysingle doctor in the faility, it was decided that James would start on six rounds of chemo immediately, with a Liver resection to be planned once the tumour had shrunk. Confusing and nasty stuff. hey? to be honest im 15 and I still have no idea what half of this stuff is let alone knowing my brother had to face this scary ride only to hope that he would recover.
The first round started as well as could be expected. The tumour was reacting to the treatment and his liver tumor was going down. That was about the only thing that went our way in all of James’s treatment. Round number two did not work at all. James didn’t even get sick from the chemo, When most people become vommit and very weak. Before Round three was to start James had another CT scan and more blood tests to see where the tumour was at. The results came in and our worst nightmares had been revisited. The tumour was growing, not shrinking. Another lot of discusions were takeing place with scary people that we all didnt know. More advanced chemo was then tried and we warned there were side effects. But what are you supposed to do? just accept that all might not go well and we all should give up know. Fuck no! We gave james our all and tried everything to keep him healthy.
Once again James didn’t have the side effects the way we were told. He was admitted to hospital on Easter Monday with severe stomach cramps but we were told they had nothing to do with the chemo. Three days later James was discharged, still with the tummy pains but it was just something we had to deal with. James then began his several trips to melbourne as the chemo in adelaide wasnt working. He stayed in the ronald mc donald house and made some great friends.
After the treatment was still not working it was said that james would have to face surgery for the best chance for surgens to remove the tumor.We finally were given a date for James’s surgery – The day after his 6th birthday. At 8:30am on June 15, James was wheeled into surgery. There were LOTS of raw emotions that day as the reality of the situation was finally dawning on our hole family. For god sake my youngest brother is four and had to watch his older brother, his role model and best friend get taken away to face life threatning surgery. The operation itself could take anywhere from 6-26 hours depending on how badly embedded the tumour was. Nine hours later James emerged from theatre quite sore and very, very groggy.
    The Surgeon told us the best news possible - They had managed to get the entire tumour out. Our prayers had been answered. For two weeks everything seemed perfect and everyone thought this could be the end.
     After only two weeks though our happiness was short lived. James’s blood levels were rising, so six weeks later James had another CT scan. Our worst nightmare was realised. James’s tumour was back, and this time more aggressive than ever.
My Step Mum and Dad were told that my gorgeous, bright, bubbly, little boy brother, has only months to live. This tumour is extremely aggressive and there is nothing that can be done. The tumour is now in his liver in the exact same spot, plus four other spots in his liver, as well as about fifteen other smaller spots in his lungs. At this point me, my sister phoebe and my youngest brother harrision had no idea, and we thought everything was still perfect. Doctors told them spend everyday like his last as his clock could stop any minute.
James was then given a free holiday to anywere he could choose. My sister and I live in brisbane, Australia. He lives halfway across the country and he choose to come see us. We spent a week with him haveing fun with the whole family. We went into the city to a place called South Bank. Their were playgrounds and swimming pools. My brothers thought it was amazing. It was then that still wihtout being told i new something was wrong. We were playing in the little rock pools and he kept saying my lungs hurt my lungs hurt. Freaked out i picked him up and ran back to mum and dad. They said okay lets call it a day. That after noon my heart soon broke.
James and harrision went back to their hotel with my nan and my step mum and dad came back to my house. We were sat on the couch and without them even saying a word i had already began to cry. I had never seen my dad let alone show emotion before and he just broke down. My dad’s words were exactly “ I know this is going to be hard to take in and hear. and to be hoenst its jsut down right fucked. ” i jsut looked at him and shook my head as if i didnt want to know i didnt want to be hurt anymore. He then looked my sister and me right in the eye and said ” James has only six weeks or less to live.” I had no idea how to react how to even speak. Most people say there speechles. Let me tell you. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT SPEECHLESS IS UNTIL YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS FUCKED AND YOUR ABOUT TO LOOSE FUCKING EVERYTHING. The last thing my dad said to me that day is ” dont let him know. dont let him know he might leave all of us. We know he knows something wrong and we know his strong just let him know you love him.
That weekend I went to toowoomba were me and james were both born. We went to my auntie jackies house like we always used to go on weekends when we lived there. For once on this short six month journey i felt happy to be playing cricket in the back yard with my beautiful little brother and my family. That day felt perfect everything went corectly.
The next day was the last time i saw my brother before he left this world. We were on the beach makeing sand castle’s and jsut haveing heaps of fun. Before we knew it, it was time for me and my sister to go home. For the last final time i held my beautiful brother in my arms it was perfect he wrapped his arms around my neck and sqeezed me tight. I whispered i love you in his ear and held him so tight as i began to cry. He smiled as me and said i love you to Kristen. We walked away and i dont think i stopped crying for what seemed like forever.
A week later lying in bed at at 6:30pm i recieved a text from my dad ” doctors say that james may not make it through the night, but you know your brother he’s a fighter.” I rememver staright away i sent him a text message saying ” can you just ring me please so i can tell him one mroe time i love him ”
After and hour of crying because of that text message i heard the phone ring my heart dropped my mum came into my room and handed me the phone it was my dad. ” we lost james and hour ago ” i couldn’t say anything i just handed the phone back to my mum and i lied there feeling like i had jsut died inside.
that week was his funeral. It was the most hardest thing i had ever done. Sitting in the front row seeing his little coffin not being able to imagine thats him. I saw his favourite toys his little transformers and the slide show that showed our whoel family.
As the coffin was carried with my dad holding on to it. Me, harrision and phoebe and my step mum followed behind full of emotion. He was placed into the car we each said our goodbyes and let a yellow ballon go each. Yellow stands for child hood cancer awarness.
All i remember that day is when we let those balloons go the sun came through even through it was cloudy and miserable. It was my beautiful james, my perfect little brother saying he was okay. He was safe.
Thinking on it know it’s so hard to explain how hard it is to loose someone so close to you. My little brother is 4 he doesnt still really understand and he hardly ever talks now. Im 15 and i dont show it infront of my friends or family but most nights i go to bed upset, crying and always thinking about it, it effects me every single day. When im older and have a family of my own how will i build up the courage to tell my own kids that i lost my brother and they never got a chance to meet their uncle. Im sposed to watch him grow up, he is sposed to pick on me for being old and wrinkerly but im never gonna have that.
Dear James,
I only hope that i make you proud every single day. You are honesly my everything
every little bit of me and the person i have become today is because of you
and your insperation. I thank you and one day were going to be together again and
play hide and go seek in heaven
I love you my little brother xo

Meet James. My Six year old little brother.

He’s perfect right ? cute little smile and had the most perfect personality not a day would go buy when this kid could not make me smile.

In early febuary 2011 is when everything went from my perfect little world to then soon crumberling down around me. My little six year old brother began the fight of his life as he began his fight when he was diagnosed with liver cancer.

No one had assumed that something like this could ever happen to someone so little. It all began when james was in week 2 of his school year and was pushed over in the play ground and came home complaining of stomach pains. After the pain would not go away my step mum took him to the doctors surgery.The doctors couldn’t work out what the pain was from, so they were transferred from our home town to the Womens and Children’s Hospital in Adelaide. James was kept in overnight and had an ultrasoud the next morning which showed a shadow on his liver. After still not nowing what this shadow might be it was decided that james would have a CT scan latter that afternoon. After this CT scan it was then that my healthy little brother’s life went from happy and health to uncertain and falling apart.

As if he had not been through enough already being scared at the hospital with all these machines and bright flashin lights all surrounding him. James needed to have a liver biopsy to confirm exactly what type of cancer he had and if it needed treatment or not. James had what was called hepatoblastoma (liver cancer) and that it was quite already far along.The doctors were not sure how to proceed with his treatment as there are not that many children in the world of this age with hepatoblastoma. Most children diagnosed are between birth and 18 months old.

After many talks with possibly everysingle doctor in the faility, it was decided that James would start on six rounds of chemo immediately, with a Liver resection to be planned once the tumour had shrunk. Confusing and nasty stuff. hey? to be honest im 15 and I still have no idea what half of this stuff is let alone knowing my brother had to face this scary ride only to hope that he would recover.

The first round started as well as could be expected. The tumour was reacting to the treatment and his liver tumor was going down. That was about the only thing that went our way in all of James’s treatment. Round number two did not work at all. James didn’t even get sick from the chemo, When most people become vommit and very weak. Before Round three was to start James had another CT scan and more blood tests to see where the tumour was at. The results came in and our worst nightmares had been revisited. The tumour was growing, not shrinking. Another lot of discusions were takeing place with scary people that we all didnt know. More advanced chemo was then tried and we warned there were side effects. But what are you supposed to do? just accept that all might not go well and we all should give up know. Fuck no! We gave james our all and tried everything to keep him healthy.

Once again James didn’t have the side effects the way we were told. He was admitted to hospital on Easter Monday with severe stomach cramps but we were told they had nothing to do with the chemo. Three days later James was discharged, still with the tummy pains but it was just something we had to deal with. James then began his several trips to melbourne as the chemo in adelaide wasnt working. He stayed in the ronald mc donald house and made some great friends.

After the treatment was still not working it was said that james would have to face surgery for the best chance for surgens to remove the tumor.We finally were given a date for James’s surgery – The day after his 6th birthday. At 8:30am on June 15, James was wheeled into surgery. There were LOTS of raw emotions that day as the reality of the situation was finally dawning on our hole family. For god sake my youngest brother is four and had to watch his older brother, his role model and best friend get taken away to face life threatning surgery. The operation itself could take anywhere from 6-26 hours depending on how badly embedded the tumour was. Nine hours later James emerged from theatre quite sore and very, very groggy.

    The Surgeon told us the best news possible - They had managed to get the entire tumour out. Our prayers had been answered. For two weeks everything seemed perfect and everyone thought this could be the end.

     After only two weeks though our happiness was short lived. James’s blood levels were rising, so six weeks later James had another CT scan. Our worst nightmare was realised. James’s tumour was back, and this time more aggressive than ever.

My Step Mum and Dad were told that my gorgeous, bright, bubbly, little boy brother, has only months to live. This tumour is extremely aggressive and there is nothing that can be done. The tumour is now in his liver in the exact same spot, plus four other spots in his liver, as well as about fifteen other smaller spots in his lungs. At this point me, my sister phoebe and my youngest brother harrision had no idea, and we thought everything was still perfect. Doctors told them spend everyday like his last as his clock could stop any minute.

James was then given a free holiday to anywere he could choose. My sister and I live in brisbane, Australia. He lives halfway across the country and he choose to come see us. We spent a week with him haveing fun with the whole family. We went into the city to a place called South Bank. Their were playgrounds and swimming pools. My brothers thought it was amazing. It was then that still wihtout being told i new something was wrong. We were playing in the little rock pools and he kept saying my lungs hurt my lungs hurt. Freaked out i picked him up and ran back to mum and dad. They said okay lets call it a day. That after noon my heart soon broke.

James and harrision went back to their hotel with my nan and my step mum and dad came back to my house. We were sat on the couch and without them even saying a word i had already began to cry. I had never seen my dad let alone show emotion before and he just broke down. My dad’s words were exactly “ I know this is going to be hard to take in and hear. and to be hoenst its jsut down right fucked. ” i jsut looked at him and shook my head as if i didnt want to know i didnt want to be hurt anymore. He then looked my sister and me right in the eye and said ” James has only six weeks or less to live.” I had no idea how to react how to even speak. Most people say there speechles. Let me tell you. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT SPEECHLESS IS UNTIL YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS FUCKED AND YOUR ABOUT TO LOOSE FUCKING EVERYTHING. The last thing my dad said to me that day is ” dont let him know. dont let him know he might leave all of us. We know he knows something wrong and we know his strong just let him know you love him.

That weekend I went to toowoomba were me and james were both born. We went to my auntie jackies house like we always used to go on weekends when we lived there. For once on this short six month journey i felt happy to be playing cricket in the back yard with my beautiful little brother and my family. That day felt perfect everything went corectly.

The next day was the last time i saw my brother before he left this world. We were on the beach makeing sand castle’s and jsut haveing heaps of fun. Before we knew it, it was time for me and my sister to go home. For the last final time i held my beautiful brother in my arms it was perfect he wrapped his arms around my neck and sqeezed me tight. I whispered i love you in his ear and held him so tight as i began to cry. He smiled as me and said i love you to Kristen. We walked away and i dont think i stopped crying for what seemed like forever.

A week later lying in bed at at 6:30pm i recieved a text from my dad ” doctors say that james may not make it through the night, but you know your brother he’s a fighter.” I rememver staright away i sent him a text message saying ” can you just ring me please so i can tell him one mroe time i love him ”

After and hour of crying because of that text message i heard the phone ring my heart dropped my mum came into my room and handed me the phone it was my dad. ” we lost james and hour ago ” i couldn’t say anything i just handed the phone back to my mum and i lied there feeling like i had jsut died inside.

that week was his funeral. It was the most hardest thing i had ever done. Sitting in the front row seeing his little coffin not being able to imagine thats him. I saw his favourite toys his little transformers and the slide show that showed our whoel family.

As the coffin was carried with my dad holding on to it. Me, harrision and phoebe and my step mum followed behind full of emotion. He was placed into the car we each said our goodbyes and let a yellow ballon go each. Yellow stands for child hood cancer awarness.

All i remember that day is when we let those balloons go the sun came through even through it was cloudy and miserable. It was my beautiful james, my perfect little brother saying he was okay. He was safe.

Thinking on it know it’s so hard to explain how hard it is to loose someone so close to you. My little brother is 4 he doesnt still really understand and he hardly ever talks now. Im 15 and i dont show it infront of my friends or family but most nights i go to bed upset, crying and always thinking about it, it effects me every single day. When im older and have a family of my own how will i build up the courage to tell my own kids that i lost my brother and they never got a chance to meet their uncle. Im sposed to watch him grow up, he is sposed to pick on me for being old and wrinkerly but im never gonna have that.

Dear James,

I only hope that i make you proud every single day. You are honesly my everything

every little bit of me and the person i have become today is because of you

and your insperation. I thank you and one day were going to be together again and

play hide and go seek in heaven

I love you my little brother xo